Sleeping on the Edge

Masking the Struggle to Adjust During the Pandemic

Today was a better day.

I feel almost embarrassed writing that sentence. Describing today as “better” means that the other days have been… less so. As someone who tends to present with a generally positive mood, I worry sometimes about showing a different side. The darker, struggling version of myself – the Castor to my Pollux, or perhaps, vice versa – is ever-present, despite remaining beneath the surface most of the time. And, though I’m well aware of the benefits of revealing that side, the admission itself still feels awkward.

My challenges are hardly unique. I spent thirteen years leaving my apartment for work each morning. Anyone suddenly working at home every day can empathize with the struggle to adjust. The pandemic has shifted my paradigm of compartmentalizing out household chores and my son’s school assignments to one where I face both simultaneously each day. Continue reading “Masking the Struggle to Adjust During the Pandemic”

The Best Part of a Little League Grand Slam

It wasn’t the hit.

The metal bat made a solid ping as it sent the baseball soaring toward the vine-covered fence in right-center field. I’d heard the sound before, mostly when watching the Little League World Series or college baseball games on television. I heard it occasionally during my son’s games in person too, though less often. This moment notwithstanding, pitchers his age often struggle to find the strike zone, which means the batters are less likely to have the chance to connect so directly.

It wasn’t the swing.

Long gone are the days when he would amble over to home plate, take his stance and bring his bat around with the faint hope of making contact. Now he walks up with a purpose, plants his cleats firmly in the dirt and sways back and forth slightly while the pitcher sets. He raises the bat high over his back shoulder, drawing little “O’s” in the air as he waits for the delivery. He takes a step toward the mound and swings over the plate, extending his arms and following through. I admire his form and hope that I looked that smooth swinging the bat when I was his age. Continue reading “The Best Part of a Little League Grand Slam”

Pride in our Success

My grandfather spoke during the prayer service at my bar mitzvah when I turned thirteen. He waxed poetic about the importance of leading a good Jewish life, learning Torah, continuing to maintain the rituals with which I’d been brought up and, most of all, about success. He had literally spent his life devoted to Judaism, studying to become a rabbi for his Jewish community in India and then moving with his family to Philadelphia to assume the pulpit at Mikveh Israel, the second-oldest synagogue in the United States. Continue reading “Pride in our Success”

Freedom and Rebirth in the Shadow of COVID-19

I could smell my wife’s cooking from outside the front door to our apartment.

She hadn’t spent more than an hour in the kitchen that afternoon; her other commitments to lesson planning, phone calls to her students’ families and parenting didn’t leave time for much more than that. But she made the most of that hour, churning out three different dishes in preparation for our Passover seder – the formal holiday feast – the next evening.

We left when she was finished for our daily constitutional that prevents cabin fever from winning the battle for control of our sanity. I came back a half hour later to retrieve sweatshirts for my family but paused before putting my key in the lock.

I stood outside our door and inhaled the aromas of spice, comfort and love creeping into the hallway. I closed my eyes for a moment, forcing myself to experience the feelings brought on by the sweetness infiltrating the air. The warmth traveled through me like a spring thaw; an appropriate analogy, given the time of year.

But it didn’t feel like Passover. Continue reading “Freedom and Rebirth in the Shadow of COVID-19”

The Spirit Makes Ten

The six men stood facing each other, forming a circle just inside the entrance to the hotel conference room.

Five of the men had met in previous years, though never as part of a religious circumstance. They exchanged pleasantries and introduced themselves to the newcomer. The sixth man was not Jewish – “Nobody’s perfect,” someone joked – but he fit in easily with the rest of the group.

They waited a few minutes, making small talk about the speakers they had heard earlier in the day and comparing notes about family situations. They discussed how many years each had been writing and when they first began coming to the conference. When it became apparent that no one else would be joining them, one of the men lifted the glass of wine from the nearby table and the men fell silent.

“Shabbat shalom,”¹ he said with a smile.

Continue reading “The Spirit Makes Ten”

Emotional Highs and Lows at Dad 2.0 Summit

The Dad 2.0 Summit has always been an emotional experience for me.

I attended my first conference in New Orleans in 2018 and the weekend was the perfect embodiment of an psychological roller coaster. I read a blog post for all of the attendees and realized I was slightly more well-known than I thought. I pushed myself to attend every session; by the end, I was drained physically, as well as emotionally.

I prepared more effectively for last year’s Summit in San Antonio. I planned which sessions would be the most meaningful to me and focused on developing stronger connections with brands. I also made sure to take time to myself when I needed to, including walking around the city alone one evening.

This past weekend was my third time as an attendee and the charm was definitely on. I knew which panels I was going to attend and which brands would be a good match for me (stay tuned for more content on that front). I also made the most of unstructured social moments, as opposed to only working the business angles.

But on Saturday afternoon, I hit a wall. Continue reading “Emotional Highs and Lows at Dad 2.0 Summit”

The Importance of Being Vulnerable Online

The evening plodded along, minutes gradually blending together to make up the last few hours of a long day. I collapsed onto the couch after running the dishwasher and folding the now-clean laundry. I began scrolling through social media, ignoring the hour and the fact that my time would be better spent showering and going to sleep.

My eyes began glazing over slightly, skimming words and scanning faces as fatigue continued its offensive on my body. My vision sharpened into focus when certain names flashed across the screen and I consumed a few sentences of the posts before moving on.

I stopped swiping at a post from a dad I had met at Dad 2.0 and whose work I’d admired for some time.

“Warning,” it began. “This is verbose and heavy, but it’s time to unload some thoughts.”

I sat up straighter and tapped “Continue Reading.” Continue reading “The Importance of Being Vulnerable Online”