“I’ve Been Robbed”

(Approximately 2:45 AM)

Police:  Police precinct, how can I help you?

Aaron:  I need to report a crime.

P:  What happened, sir?

A:  I’ve been robbed.

P:  Are you hurt?

A:  No. I’m tired and a bit cold, but not hurt.

P:  Did you see the thief?

A:  Yes, it was a woman. 5’2, brown hair a bit below her shoulders. I couldn’t see her eyes, though. There was someone else there, too, but I’m not sure if they were working together or not.

P:  Was she armed?

A:  I don’t think so.

P:  Who was the other person?

A:  It was a baby. A toddler, really. Probably just under a year and a half. Light brown hair, practically blond. And the cutest face you’ve ever seen.

P:  Pardon me? Are you saying a toddler was an accomplice in a robbery?

A:  I’m not saying I know for sure. It was just an idea, given the circumstances.

P:  And what circumstances are those?

A:  Well, the baby started crying and when I went to go make sure he was all right, that’s when I was robbed. I thought maybe he created the diversion on purpose to distract me so the woman could finish the job.

P:  I see. Where did the theft occur?

A:  Here, in my apartment.

P:  Is the thief still in the apartment?

A:  Yes, she’s in my bedroom.

P:  You’re still in the apartment with the thief?

A:  Yes.

P:  Sir, are you safe? Can you leave without the thief knowing?

A:  Probably. But she’s asleep in the bed and I’m in the living room, so I should be fine.

P:  The thief is asleep?

A:  Yes.

P:  How long ago did the theft occur?

A:  I don’t know, exactly. Five, maybe ten minutes.

P:  And the thief just fell asleep afterwards?

A:  Actually I think she was asleep the whole time. That’s why I couldn’t see her eyes – they were closed.

P:  The thief robbed you while she was asleep?

A:  Yes, that’s correct.

P:  And what, exactly, was stolen?

A:  My blanket.

P:  Excuse me?

A:  My blanket. Navy blue, with some other colors here and there. She stole it from me. That’s why I’m cold.

P:  Are you sure that’s what happened?

A:  Of course I’m sure. She’s sleeping with the blanket right now.

P:  In your bedroom.

A:  Yes.

P:  Sir, do you know the thief? Have you seen her anywhere before?

A:  Yes, practically every day for the past nine and a half years. It’s my wife; I would hope that I’d be able to recognize her.

P:  Sir, let me get this straight. Your baby woke up crying, you went to take care of him, and when you came back to bed, your wife had stolen your blanket. Is that it?

A:  That’s correct.

P:  Good night, sir.

A:  What?


2 responses to ““I’ve Been Robbed”

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